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> > Some Aussie humour to brighten your day!!!!
> >
> >
> >
> > For those who
like flying; especially with Qantas Good ole Qantas...All
> > too rarely, airline attendants make an effort
>
> to make the in-flight" safety lecture" and their other announcements a
bit
> > more entertaining.
>
>
> >
> > Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
> >
> >
>
> On landing the hostess said, "Please be sure to take all your
belongings.
> > If you're going to leave anything,
please make sure it's something we'd
> > like to have."
> >
> >
> > "There may be 50 ways
to leave your lover, but there are only 4 way so
> > leave the aircraft."
> >
> >
> >
"Thank you for flying Qantas. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business
> > as much as we enjoyed taking you for
a ride."
> >
> >
> > As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Canberra, a lone voice
>
> came over the loudspeaker:
> > "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
> >
> >
> > After a particularly
rough landing during thunderstorms in Adelaide, a
> > flight attendant on a Qantas flight announced,
> >
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after
a
> > landing like that, sure as f#&%
everything has shifted."
> >
> >
> > From a Qantas employee:
> > "Welcome aboard Qantas
Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt,
> > insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull
> > tight.
It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know
> > how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be
out in public
unsupervised."
> >
> >
> > In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks
will descend from
> > the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the
> > mask, and pull it over your face. If you
have a small child travelling
> > with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are
> >
travelling
> > with more than one small child, pick your favourite.
> >
> >
> > "Your
seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an
> > emergency water landing, please paddle to
>
> shore and take them with our compliments."
> >
> >
> > And from the pilot during his welcome
message:
> > "Qantas airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants
in
> > the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are
> > on this flight!"
> >
> >
> > Overheard on a Qantas
flight into Perth, on a particularly windy and
bumpy
> > day: During the final approach, the Captain
> >
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
> > Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, welcome to Perth. Please
> > remain in
> > your seats with your seat belts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's
> > left of our airplane to the gate!"
> >
> >
> > Another flight
attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
ask
> > you to please remain seated as Captain
>
> Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship
into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the
door while the Passengers
exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying Qantas." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking
the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a
little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What
is it?" The little old lady said, "Did
we land or were we shot down?"
After a real crusher of a landing
in Sydney, the Flight Attendant came
on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and
the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tyre smoke has cleared
and the
warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick
your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Part
of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. And, the next
time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies
in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Qantas."
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